My mind is playing self-doubting ping pong at the moment.
Like The Little Engine That Could, I have a chuffing big hill to climb on the weekend and I am not sure I can do it.
But the thing is, I think I can, I know I can, of course I can, but I have made a mountain out of a molehill.
Saturday is the 14km run that I signed up for an absolute age ago. I was suppose to do it last year but the whole broken foot and six months in a moon boot put a tiny bit of a dampner on doing the run.
And now, 12 months later - here we are again. I’ve not run 14kms before. I have run 12kms, I have run 10 a few times and last weekend I did the Mother’s Day Classic 8. So sensible me knows I can do it.
But then there is irrational, self-doubting me with her little chisel chip, chip, chipping away.
Years ago I was known for saying I would never run, I would happily “run” playing tennis or netball and occasionally a bus (though that did get me concussion and stitches once, so I am a little wary about that one)..... but I would never, ever run.
It was because of school sports day, 1984, probably a 100m race, who cares as that bit is irrelevant, and some bastard kid/friend told me I ran like a m@*der (if you are from South Australia, you will know the word).
I was crushed and mortified and due to my stupidly low self esteem, vowed never to run again.
Fast forward 26 years and I thought I would give this running malarky a go, why not? New city, new beginnings, older and not quite so emotionally fekked up and it looked fun. Add in a broken foot and the occasional Crohn’s flare up and it has been a bit of a shaky road, but fark me, I am still going out there and doing it.
Today my legs are tired and my back is twingy. I’m listening to Podcasts for motivation, my legs up against the wall because it is meant to be good for me, I’m sipping on a protein shake.
I just have to keep telling myself ‘I know I can’ because it may not be fast, it definitely wont be pretty but this is something that has been hanging around me for too long.
I need to do this so I can move on and train for my next challenge.
I think I can, I know I can, I know I will.