Today I wanted eggs on toast, I really wanted those poached eggs on a crusty loaf. The fact Crazy was up for crusty bread after not eating for a few days also sealed the deal.
So off I went, got my spinach and a mushroom and a few other bits, off to get my big crusty loaf of sourdough. I even snuck a cheeky macaron as I was walking back to the car laden down with my bags of yumminess.
On the corner where I was walking an older lady was sitting on the ground, sitting on her bag, up against the wall. Legs against her chest to keep warm. She asked me for a few dollars.
I did the “sorry I don’t have any”, the automatic reaction in the automatic pose, head down, walking briskly, quickly feeling shame rise through me.
Ashamed because in the next 5 seconds a million thoughts rushed through my head. I doubt she could understand what I said because I had a mouth full of over priced biscuit. OK so I only had $30 flash cash until payday but the thing was I have a pay day, does she? I wanted eggs on toast so I just spent $20 without thinking to get my ingredients because it is what I wanted right then. Could she? I might bargain shop but I present well, was I just another white middle class tosser who doesn’t give a shit? That’s how I must have looked.
No - that is not who I am or who I want to be.
I went back and gave her all the gold I had, I don’t care what she does with it, that is not my right to give on condition.
Reality is that I cannot give money to everyone that asks, but I can think before I react. I gave, but I know I acted like an arse, but I hope it meant something to someone.
This is my charity of choice - Berry Street works hard to look after children, to ensure they are safe from harm and given the choices, rights and opportunities that all children should have.