Tuesday, 12 November 2013

I know this


With all my fannying about of late I haven’t blogged. Boooo!

I felt it a bit bad about it for my poor reader so I will do this instead. Not really a blog post but a nice big series of points imparting some of my vast wisdom and knowledge..... hoping there will be enough words so it looks like a substantial post.

This is the gospel according to me. Right now. But probably not tomorrow.

Life

Scooping olive dip out of one’s cleavage with a nice clean biscuit is totally acceptable in your own home.

If a child asks you if they are pretty - always say yes.

Watching reality shows like ‘The Bachelor’ and ‘Geordie Shore’ is called car crash telly because a little bit of your self respect and pride dies every time you watch an episode.

It’s ok to change your mind about life lessons.

Never, ever smell someone’s fingers.

Don’t talk about Australian politics because it is not nice to say the c-word over and over again.

Its OK to pee in a public pool as long as you are not standing on the edge at the time. 


Home

Boys will always piss everywhere but the toilet bowl and rarely clean it up.

Dust bunnies aren’t real pets, even if you have loads of them in the house.

You can never use too much toilet paper, especially if it stops your finger going through. 

It is universally known that ‘breakfast for dinner’ is in fact a thing and can double up with Meat Free Monday.


Outdoors

When doing a midnight alfresco wee make sure you walk a decent distance from the tent, you may find mid-stream (or be informed by the no-longer-sleeping tent inhabitants) that you are in fact on a slight incline.

A run is a run is a run  - enjoy it.

Bush wee’s can be extremely liberating, but be sure to check the ground. Sometimes that stick is not really a stick.

If you see a snake stand still, and encourage others to do the same, to stop the snake moving towards you as they excitedly try and get a look at it.

A camel toe is never cool regardless of how much money was spent on running gear.

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2 comments:

  1. I agree with all points. Especially the talking about politics one. And smelling people's fingers. EWWWWW!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Seriously - this should be taught to all kids. Never. Ever. Smell someone's fingers ; )

    ReplyDelete

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