Friday, 21 February 2014

Waiting, not anticipating

My airspace is currently filled with a nondescript classical score. The chirpy violins are trying to take me to a happy place, dancing merrily in my ears, aurally enticing me away.

Is it fek. 

Maybe another time and another place, but not today for I’m on hold to CentreLink. Last time I was on hold for over 50minutes. This time, who knows. 

I’ve just come off the back off a half hour interview with one department, and now I am mid concerto awaiting another.

The personal loss and feeling of desertion is one thing. Financial anxiety is a whole other thing. But this is just one of the added bonuses of a separation - the paperwork, the government departments, the total head fuckery, all the waiting on top of the emotional purgatory. 

There’s so many new things to get used to, new routines, an empty lonliness, also a new strength. Filling up the calendar with friends, running and the gym. Pushing myself to keep on moving, keep on doing, keep on laughing, though it just feels like wading through shit half the time.

But, there have been moments when things feel good. Things feel lighter, I feel like things are going ok.

Then I realise that I have just watched Magic Mike (again) and filled my shopping basket with ice cream and root vegetables.

Seems still a little way to go.

Image source c/- Pinterest

2 comments:

  1. Centrelink are the pits. Big hugs my lovely friend. xox

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  2. Centrelink is pure unadulterated fucking shit!!! The only way I survive the dreaded calls is to ring my sister who works as a psychologist for them and she tells me which short cuts to take! Good luck! xxx

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