I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw you pop up on my Tinder feed. Naturally I am sad for your conscious uncoupling, but secretly I am dancing like a pickled Babushka.
I remember the day long ago when I first saw an image of you, shirtless. I’m pretty sure you were shirtless - your trousers were so high it was like they were supporting that rock hard chest of yours.
And now - here you are.
I feel like I have finally found the parallel shirtless Facebook feed I was looking for, so many pictures of you with bears, horses, tigers (!!), blowing shit up.
The high waist, the small features, those tiny eyes, that stern look.
|Image source AP|
We don’t have any mutual likes which confuses me, I’m surprised ‘Destroy the Joint’ is not one because I heard a rumour that’s what you like to do.
I’ve just got my fingers crossed that you are not a sexist, homophobic, misogynist megalomaniac, ring thief ...... am sure you’re not, because that sort of thing would be written in your profile, wouldn’t it?
Perfectly safe to swipe right, right?!